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Losing a child to a sex offender is a parents's nightmare

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Post by Guest Wed Jul 15, 2009 3:05 pm

But what if that mother is the one who brought the sex offender into her home? In the cases of at least three Midwestern children reported missing this year, police have discovered that their mothers had relationships with known sex offenders.

Ken Lanning, a consultant and former FBI agent who spent two decades studying the sexual victimization of children, said that, in general, the first hurdle for pedophiles on the prowl is access to children. One of the most common ways to get that, outside of abusing a family member, is to latch on to a woman with children, often in a romantic relationship.

This is a great article.

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Post by Juanita Wed Jul 15, 2009 3:07 pm

i have to be honest, all this stuff makes me afraid to be a mom
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Post by adelacruz Wed Jul 15, 2009 3:28 pm

Juanita wrote:i have to be honest, all this stuff makes me afraid to be a mom

to be honest if i would've been a little more realistic about my surroundings i wouldn't have had my girls... too much suffering.. esp for girls you know?
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Post by Guest Wed Jul 15, 2009 3:41 pm

lindamarie,

this is an interesting article for many reason. It seems that some of "these women" have a common thread, low self esteem, the NEED to have the ATTENTION, apparently, I guess of ANY MAN if they were willing to have a Sex Offender around their children. Knowlingly putting your child at risk! Just Criminal! How desperate, how dispicable?

It talked about the cases of Haylee & Navaeh. In Haylee's case, JEEEEZ, there were so many criminals around that little girl, including relatives, what a terrible enviornment. Her Grandmother couldn't protect her either.

In the case of Navaeh, IMO, there just HAS to be something they can do to her mother! Wreckless endangerment??? I am not even sure what that is, BUT, she was friends of SEX OFFENDERS, didn't see anything wrong with it.

Both mothers deserve some HARD jail time, IMO, something has to be done to protect these children.
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Post by ladyjustice37 Wed Jul 15, 2009 9:31 pm

Juanita wrote:i have to be honest, all this stuff makes me afraid to be a mom

I agree w/ you. I am very wise about firearms and many other things. If I had a child and something happened such as this, I would not be able to contain myself. These things scare me.
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Post by Guest Wed Jul 22, 2009 7:41 pm

adelacruz wrote:
Juanita wrote:i have to be honest, all this stuff makes me afraid to be a mom

to be honest if i would've been a little more realistic about my surroundings i wouldn't have had my girls... too much suffering.. esp for girls you know?

Juanita & Adelacruz,

No need to be afraid or to not have children. You two ladies, especially, are such very intelligent and wonderful women that I don't think you would EVER make the CHOICES that some of these mothers make in terms of who they associate with that exposes their kids to these kinds of people.
In my mind, it's about being proactive and being responsible for your kids. Sure, I know we can't be with our kids 24/7 (although I sure know everything they do 24/7, lol), but a lot of these cases are because someone dropped the ball. Many people are not proactive enough in their kids lives. Women bring in a bf after 24 minutes and then leave their kids alone with them, etc. and then are shocked something happened. Or they let their 8 or 10 year old walk a half a mile or mile to their friends house or just don't know their kids whereabouts at all.
Do NOT misunderstand, I am NOT blaming the parents when something happens. I am just saying our first defense is a good offense. We need to protect out kids. We all know our surroundings and what is safe in our area and based on our kids maturity level. Sure, do things out of the ordinary happen, yes, absolutely. I mean, even when we do everything right, in the case of Elizabeth Smart or Polly Klass, etc, can and does something happen? Sure it does. All I mean is, a lot of these cases, especially in the abuse against kids are done because we as mothers or parents aren't doing all we should to keep them safe first!
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Post by Guest Wed Jul 22, 2009 7:49 pm

We sure can't protect out kids 24/7 that is not realistic. Most of the cases of abused and abducted children are as arenut and tracey put it already
victims of having bad parents or guardians.
In this article you will read it is not strangers that we need to fear around our children as much as the people well known to the family, the caregivers and the parents who abuse and abduct children. Stranger abduction is more rare.
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Post by Guest Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:33 am

I was lucky enough that when my ex and I decided to have kids, we agreed we would raise our kids. We didn't have kids to have a babysitter raise them. So, many are not as lucky to have this option and many have to put their kids in daycare or find a babysitter. It really is impossible, to protect our kids from everyone. However, I do believe that parents have to be the first line of protection for our kids. If you have a bad feeling about a person, even if in your family, trust your gut. Most times it will not steer you wrong. I'd rather be paranoid and be safe, than too trusting or not want to offend someone and be WRONG, where our kids are concerned.

Here's a short story about how there really are things we can do, that many parents just aren't doing.

When Eric and I first got together, his daughter was able to ride her bike a certain distance from home. She was wanting more distance added to her route. I was uncomfortable with it. Eric thought I was being paranoid. And being I wasn't her parent or really a step parent, I didn't have much say about it. However, it just felt scary to me. So, I went on family Watch Dog and looked up the sex offender's in our area. OMG, it was like we were dropped in the middle of a shark pool of SO's. I was just sick about it. So, I show Eric and he had no idea. But he still thought his daughter could ride her bike to this certain friend's house, who was a little far for me. Make a long story short, it wasn't just the distance that was a problem. The friend's house she had been going to for a year before I got there, was one of the SO's homes. AND it was the friend's MOTHER! Yes, Eric was letting his daughter go to a registered sex offender's house.
So, we can do all we want by protecting our kids from strangers while they are outside and going from point a to point b. BUT do you know who your kid's friends and parents are? Anytime my kids would meet a new friend, before they could play there, I would ask if they had guns in the home too. If they did, I wanted to know where they were and if they we locked up. If not, my children could not go there. Believe it or not, not one person I asked was ever offended either.
Bottom line is just this. We must know who, where, what, when and why's of our kids. Just no way around it these days.
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Post by adelacruz Thu Jul 23, 2009 9:55 am

Tracey276 i agree with you. We always gotta keep track of them... but there comes a time when you gotta somehow let go. when the kid gets a driver license you somewhat loose that upper hand...
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Post by Guest Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:42 am

adelacruz wrote:Tracey276 i agree with you. We always gotta keep track of them... but there comes a time when you gotta somehow let go. when the kid gets a driver license you somewhat loose that upper hand...

Yes, it is true. I know we can't keep them locked up or watch them 24/7. I certainly don't mean to imply that it is a parents fault when something does happen. However, I just mean, there are many cases we know of, where a mother or father, bring someone into their lives they either know nothing about or know they are not good people to have around our kids. Then they say, Oh, I had no idea this person was like that, when um, yea, you did! Such as little Haleigh Donovan's mother. Shoot, even the uncle is who lives with grandma is bad news. That's all I meant.
I do think sometimes though parents use the old adage of "We can't watch them 24/7 or We can't control what they do" as an excuse to be lazy. Now I don't know how things will change for me when my son begins driving THIS YEAR, Yikes! However, I do know, that I will be asking all the questions and yes, I will be checking up on him occasionally. Although, I wouldn't check every time, I will keep them wondering when I COULD show up!
My sister was so strict with her girls when they started driving, that if they were out and said they were going to McDonald's and then changed their minds and went to Burger King next door, they damn well better have called to let her know or they were grounded! LOL! I just think I have to be the one who takes responsibility for my kids. I don't think a lot of parents are as involved as they should be.
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Post by Guest Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:02 am

Tracey276 wrote:
adelacruz wrote:Tracey276 i agree with you. We always gotta keep track of them... but there comes a time when you gotta somehow let go. when the kid gets a driver license you somewhat loose that upper hand...

Yes, it is true. I know we can't keep them locked up or watch them 24/7. I certainly don't mean to imply that it is a parents fault when something does happen. However, I just mean, there are many cases we know of, where a mother or father, bring someone into their lives they either know nothing about or know they are not good people to have around our kids. Then they say, Oh, I had no idea this person was like that, when um, yea, you did! Such as little Haleigh Donovan's mother. Shoot, even the uncle is who lives with grandma is bad news. That's all I meant.
I do think sometimes though parents use the old adage of "We can't watch them 24/7 or We can't control what they do" as an excuse to be lazy. Now I don't know how things will change for me when my son begins driving THIS YEAR, Yikes! However, I do know, that I will be asking all the questions and yes, I will be checking up on him occasionally. Although, I wouldn't check every time, I will keep them wondering when I COULD show up!
My sister was so strict with her girls when they started driving, that if they were out and said they were going to McDonald's and then changed their minds and went to Burger King next door, they damn well better have called to let her know or they were grounded! LOL! I just think I have to be the one who takes responsibility for my kids. I don't think a lot of parents are as involved as they should be.

My Dad would go as far as writing down my odometer reading and then check it when I got home. I did have a really smart boyfriend back then that showed me how to unhook it so my Dad would not know how far I really took the car. I know me bad. I was a challenging teen to keep track of. I learned from the best and I did keep a good eye on my kids.
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Post by Guest Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:11 pm

Ah, yes, the tricks we used on our parents. I went camping one year in high school with my bf. But told my mom, my best friend and I were going with another girl and her mom. So, I brought a friend over my mom had only met once and her grown up friend she knew and she pretended to be my friends mom and was taking us camping. Can you imagine NOW, if our kids had a grown up person like this who would pretend to be a parent to one of their friends and lie to us? OMG! I would first ground my child forever and then find this "fake" parent and OMG, I don't know what!
But I don't know, LM, sure seems like times were different back when.
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